We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
