pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
