i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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