Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
