Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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