Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
