I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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