she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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