I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
