can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
