there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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