saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
