The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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