**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
