Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im having a threesome with these popsicles
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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