I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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