GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
