what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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