I just cut my nipple shaving
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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