There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
