I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
