Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
