You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
