There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
