this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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