Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
