I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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