My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
