I met the friendliest cop last night
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
