i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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