textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
