question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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