Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
How's work?
Spinning.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
