you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize