So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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