good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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