Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
