We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
