Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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