I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
