I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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