you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
