If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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