Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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