You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
