Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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