just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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