Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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