smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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