Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
