i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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