There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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